What can we expect from a Couples counselling session?

Couples work uses the same stuck-patterns framework, but focuses on how two nervous systems interact.

1. A focus on patterns — not blame

We identify the repeating loops between you, such as:

• pursue / withdraw

• shut down / escalate

• avoid / chase

• freeze / fix

• conflict / distance

Rather than “who is right,” we look at:

“What pattern is the relationship stuck in?”

This lowers defensiveness and increases understanding.

2. Understanding each person’s protective strategies

Each partner has patterns that:

• activate

• shut down

• guard

• over-function

• defend

• collapse

• disconnect

We explore these compassionately so both people understand what’s happening “under the hood.”

3. Learning the physiology of conflict

We look at how each partner’s nervous system responds in real time:

• triggers

• activation

• flooding

• withdrawal

• numbness

• survival strategies

You learn how to recognise these states in each other before the pattern gets too strong.

4. Practice sessions in communication

You learn:

• how to speak from regulation, not reactivity

• how to listen without becoming overwhelmed

• how to slow down fights

• how to repair more quickly

• how to avoid old unconscious loops

This is done live in the session with guidance.

5. Rebuilding connection and safety

As patterns become clearer and less automatic, partners begin to experience:

• more openness

• more empathy

• more emotional safety

• fewer misinterpretations

• more repair after conflict

• more choice in how they respond